I'm passing your future prison.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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