Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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