she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
