Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
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