Screwed.edu
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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