I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
