just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
