I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
