what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
