i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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