I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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