If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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