Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
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Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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