her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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