so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
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He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
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The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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