When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
