**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
