Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
