The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
