Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I don't deserve a penis
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
