I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
