I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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