do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
