there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
