You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
