You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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