I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
