So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
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I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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