my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
