we're chasing vodka with high fives
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
