she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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