My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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