we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
