haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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