I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
