I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
