You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
