I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
