2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
