my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You are the jesus of drinking
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
