I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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