I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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