i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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