I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
