Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
