Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
