She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
