Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
