They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
