im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
