So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
