He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Someone shattered a urinal.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
