nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wish you could order shots online.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
