one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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