i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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