How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Randomize
