He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
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Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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