It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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