Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
