So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
