Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
