I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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