you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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