Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
