i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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