i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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