I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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