so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
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I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Couch. On fire.
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