sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
