i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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