I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
