I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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