kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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