i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
