do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
