I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I should be a condom model.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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