i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
