I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
