sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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