i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My pussy is not your playground.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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