When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
