im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
