Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
