i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
