The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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