I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize