There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
